And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just gift wrapped bread.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
