u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
