I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
