Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
