Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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