benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
