You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
