The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
