As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
