a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
