i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
