I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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