K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
