Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
