I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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