Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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