Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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