I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
