Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
