did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
