So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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