I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
