like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
