i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
