I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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