ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
