Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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