i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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