U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
