In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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