i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
