He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
