His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
