Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
