I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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