I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
