I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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