Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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