what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
