I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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