susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
