Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
