Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
