just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
