I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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