I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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