Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
