my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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