I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
