TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
