dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
