The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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