just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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