you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
