He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
