I didn't shave. On purpose
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
