just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
