Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
